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Body surveys must be the flavour of this month, since both New Woman and Cosmo are publishing their results. This is all truly scary, and I’m starting to worry about Miss M growing up in a world where this kind of thing is what young women are thinking about.

Then I flick through the pages of this magazine looking for articles to critique, and see the models they’re using, and my confusion over why people feel inadequate is gone. Less than one per cent of the human race looks like these women, and no exercise regime or diet is going to get you the genes these girls have naturally.

On Page 170, there’s an article on Celebrity Fitness Tribes, which gives you a run down on which celeb trainer is whipping who into shape. Interesting … kind of.

Now we come to Page 172, and I can feel my blood pressure starting to rise. Most of the time, these articles only have minor things I feel I need to criticise. Sadly, this whole page is the kind of thing creating confusion and misinformation about fitness. I can sum this up in a couple of sentences.

No amount of “back fat”, “muffin top”, or “bra bulge” will be changed by doing resistance work. None. Do cardio. Eat less. By all means do some weights, but don’t expect fat loss from doing them, or from any amount of abdominal exercises. It won’t happen. Read this month’s Cosmo for some great myth exploding on exactly this subject.

This gets no stars, and I’m going to go and sit in the corner and breathe deeply for a few minutes to recover.

Time to wake up to a new body - Pg 117

Cosmo has a ten page spread, incorporating the (sometimes frightening) results of a recent body survey, hints on fitness and diet.

Reading this, it seems most people are confused about not only weight loss, but what constitutes a healthy lifestyle. The amount of young women suffering from eating disorders and obesity is scary - and that’s just among the readers of this magazine.

Page 123 has a lot of information on yoyo dieting, cutting out carbs, detoxing, and how much weight is healthy to lose in a week. Since most of these subjects are my absolutely most hated myths around health and fitness, I’m loving the answers Cosmo gives.

Page 124 explodes common exercise myths (well, exploding might be a bit over the top …). Again, all good advice.

I challenge you to read this article and think honestly about what your beliefs about your body are. Do you believe life would be easier if you were your ideal weight? Would you use amphetamines to help you shed kilos? Are you more concerned about your weight than the environment? How can we make this obsession with a perfect body more positive and healthy?

****

The Three Month Bikini Body Makeover, Pg 175

Summer must be coming, because we’ve got a new round of bikini body workout plans. My old boss in the gym used to say whenever the Jenny Craig ads were on television was when everyone would start working out. Guess Jenny’s working her magic, because he was right!

This issue has weeks 1-4 and focuses on strength. All the exercises can be done with body weight or light hand weights, so it’s perfect for beginners or someone who just wants to work out at home. Also good for the gym if you wanted to vary your current routine.

All these exercises are fine, except the straight leg crunches. From the picture, you can see all that’s happening is the model’s neck is straining. There’s no reason to keep your legs straight when doing crunches, and most people will find this position makes their back arch. Bend your knees, push your back into the floor and let your abdominal muscles do the work - not your neck.

On the plus side, this article pays a lot of attention to cardio and diet, and has a four week food makeover plan. This includes portion sizes, when to eat, what to eat, and my all time favorite: swap “this” for “that”. There’s also a real life person who is undergoing the plan, which is a great incentive if you’re thinking “I can’t do that”.

Very minor complaints, in all, a good read and worthwhile buy if you’re looking to sharpen up your look for summer. ***

Also in this issue worth reading:

Pg 180 - AJ Rochester - What’s with weekend eating?

Pg 79 - Love yourself secrets (we all need a little more of this, don’t we?)

This month, Cosmo has Jessica Biel, one of my favorite actresses (make that actresses’s bodies) on the cover. One of the reasons I love her is Blade Trinity, a terrible, terrible B-grade film, with some of the most awesome DVD extras ever, including the training regime she and Ryan Reynolds went through to get their incredible bods. Oh, and it’s got Triple H in it too, but now I’m digressing …

The cover promises “How to get everything you want … a flatter tummy (no crunches, promise)” - that’s a good start. Let’s check out the inside.

Pg 50 - News Alert - the comfort foods that make you SKINNY

Another article about GI factor of some of your favorite foods, and how to change high GI’s to lower, more sustained energy just by making a few simple changes. Foods included are porridge, pasta, pizza, potato and dessert. There’s nothing on that list I don’t love, so I have to give this article a big thumbs up, and **** Great reading for a long checkout line, but also worthwhile taking home and following the advice.

Pg 154 - Get a sexy stomach (no crunches required)

Some challenging ab exercises and good dietary advice add up to a good rating for this article. As always, I have to find some kind of fault with it, and this time, it’s the lack of advice about relaxing your neck when doing a couple of these exercises. Leg walks and hip thrusts are really tough exercises, and unless you’ve done a lot of conditioning, you’re going to find your neck wants to tense up, and you’ll probably want to hold your breath - don’t! Start off doing mini versions until you’re strong enough to do something more difficult. The advice for leg walks is to add some 500g weights to your legs later - I think this is really bad for your lower back, and would just suggest slowing the exercise down and doing less repetitions. When your leg is kept straight, putting extra weight on the end of such a long lever is asking for trouble.

The photograph for the ball pike shows the model tilting her lower back in the start position, which isn’t good for your back. This is a super advanced exercise, and if you’re going to do it, try to find a mirror you can use to monitor your posture to avoid the same kind of tilt. You need to aim for a flat back, rather than the tilt and slightly rounded shoulders you’re seeing here.

With proper technique, these exercises are great. If you belong to a gym, get an instructor to show you how to do them safely and properly, and don’t go crazy trying to do the toughest version first.

Exercises **** Advice **.5

With a gorgeous 42 year old Liz Hurley on the cover, and free lipgloss (the red is AWESOME) if you buy it from Coles, what’s not to love about this month’s New Woman magazine. The cover promises a 7-day Hollywood diet that works. It’s on Page 106.

Subtitled “It’s the seven-day diet putting a smile on Hollywood’s famous faces. Eat the foods you love and get trimmer thighs. What’s not to love?” Hey, they stole my intro line!

Basically, this diet is the brain child of Dr Susan Kleiner, apparently the most talked about eating plan since Atkins. She’s studied the effect certain foods have on your brain chemistry, and focuses on the ones that raise your levels of serotonin - your body’s feel good chemical, which is the active ingredient in many anti-depressants. Her book “The Good Mood Diet: Feel Great While you Lose Weight” (only available in the States, or from Amazon) is compressed into this terrific article, which should kick start your feel good plan.

One of the things I loved most about this diet is the mandate to have a cup of cocoa every night. Woo hoo - I’m living like a Hollywood star and I didn’t even know it. The downside is she says you need to make it with a sugar substitute, but I choose to use nature’s sweetener, rather than one tinkered together in a lab. You should also eat nuts every day, three servings of dairy a day, eat regularly to stop blood sugar plummeting, and eat 40 percent carbs, 30 percent protein, and 30 percent fat at each meal - in other words, a balanced diet.

There are four days worth of diet planning, and you can get the other three by logging onto the New Woman website.

I like this diet, but one of the reasons I like it so much is I’ve mentioned several of the ideas in my Top Five health newsletters. See, this is a quality site you’re visiting!

I give this article (and the free lip gloss) *****, and I’m considering buying the book.

New Booty Busters, Pg 64

Three new fitness crazes, rated for your convenience. I’ve read a lot about Powerplates, and I have to say, my jury is still out. Any piece of equipment promising the results of a two hour gym workout in twenty minutes … if it sounds too good to be … well, you know the rest. Remember those old machines from the fifties where people would put a big band around their waist and jiggle away for ages like some kind of human lava lamp? I don’t see a lot of difference. I’m prepared to be corrected, but give me some scientific evidence, and I mean more than “Madonna has one at home”.

On the other hand, BOSU balls are great, and I have and use one, both personally and for my clients. Basically like half a fitball, you can do dozens of different exercises on them, and they promote balance and work your core in an intense way. Top marks.

Kangoo Jumps are something I’ve never heard about, but they sound like those shoes George Kostanza was trying to sell in “The Jimmy” episode of Seinfeld. If you feel the need to get some mad air, maybe you should look into these.

Not sure how many people would buy or use this equipment as a result of this article, but if you’re in the market, go the BOSU. I got mine on eBay for a fraction of the retail price. Usefulness, *

My 30 day nightmare to become a size 0, Pg 90

The doco this article is based on was on TV several months ago, and I remember talking with one of my Yummy Mummies about it at the time. I didn’t watch it, but it sounded totally terrifying. A woman weighing 50kg (161cm tall) drops to 44kg in thirty days. Terrifying. What’s even more terrifying is she did it with the help of a personal trainer, who knew exactly what her aim was - and specialises in getting women down to a size 0, or Australian size 4.

This woman had previously won FHM’s sexiest woman of the decade award, but admits part of her loved the idea of being thinner. She experienced emotional problems, and her entire life was taken up with the weight loss program. It was done as an experiment, but I wonder how many people undertake this kind of program as a legitimate lifestyle choice. Truly disturbing reading - great for the checkout queue.

Food & Fitness, Pg 155

What is it about Mexican food this month? First Cleo pitches a great Mexican recipe, now Cosmopolitan follows suit. This one is for Mexican shredded beef soup, and I believe I’ll cook u a batch on the weekend! This recipe is from the Women’s Weekly Healthy Eating cookbook, and if it’s anything like the other cookbooks I’ve read of theirs, it’s probably worth checking out.

Over the page are ten tips for improving your immune system, definitely timely judging by the amount of people getting sick at the moment. A lot of these are the old “exercise, eat garlic and chilli” variety, but eating shitake mushrooms, making a home made disinfectant spray to kill germs around your house, and massaging your pressure points are also on the list. All of these are easy to do, and none are unpleasant, so maybe they’re worth a go.

The last page has the fabulous title “de-jiggle your fat spots”, and if you have any concept of how fat burning works, none of these will make any difference without changing your diet, and upping your cardio. Back fat, armpit overhang, squishy thighs and belly bumps are areas almost everyone has, and everyone hates. The way your body usually works is to change in the place you hate most last. Keep motivated, change your exercise routine often, and don’t stop just because the weather is cold. And those horribly titled bits will change eventually!

(This article does mention diet and cardio, but the way it pitches these exercises makes it slightly misleading) Overall, I rate it ***

Fashion Week Food Diaries, Pg 76

When I saw this article mentioned on the cover, I was cynical enough to think, “yeah right, like they’ll tell the truth about what they eat”. Seems I was wrong, because if this is an improvement on what people actually eat … well, I have no words.

Five different people’s week long food diaries are published here - a socialite, a model, a pr guru, event co-ordinator and a fashion editor. And the model is probably the one who eats the best food, most regularly. I could never work in the fashion industry - such long breaks between meals would make me murder someone within the first couple of days. My advice is not to emulate anything you read in this article.

Instead, turn to The Lazy Girl’s Guide to eating and exercise, Pg 136, where the three recipes on the first page are ones I’d really like to try, especially the spinach soup which sounds fab. While I don’t necessarily agree with Demi Moore’s idea of all food being raw, when it’s delicious, and it’s incorporated into a balanced diet including cooked foods, I say bring it on!

Over the page, there’s a great Mexican recipe for marinated chicken with great salsa. I love Mexican food (but not that crap masquerading as Mexican) and there’s a list of reasons for why it’s great for you to eat. A lot of these tie in to the In Style article on healthy eating for great skin, so “ole”!

There’s an interesting paragraph on a Blackmore’s supplement called Sugar Balance. It allegedly helps beat afternoon sugar cravings, by enhancing chromium absorption, which balances sugar levels in the body, reduces cravings for sweet foods, and replaces nutrients needed for energy, which are lost when you up your exercise quotient. If you struggle to control yourself around a packet of chocolate biscuits (or cake of the day) around 3pm, maybe this is the solution for you. I’m certainly intrigued by the idea, and will be investigating further.

The last page pitches one of my favorite exercise theories - use your leg muscles, and your workout will be far more effective. Your legs are the biggest muscle group you have, and any exercise using them burns heaps of energy, and creates a kick on effect for the rest of your body. Men especially seem to dislike doing leg exercises, but when you ignore them, you’re robbing yourself of the best effect you can get - and a great butt as well!

Two leg exercises are shown here, “shopping trolley squats” and wall sits. Love wall sits, and if you want strong thighs and endurance, you can’t get a better exercise than this (especially if you’re going skiing this winter). I also love squats, but this picture shows the most extreme knee position I’ve ever seen, and I really question the technique suggested here. My tips for squats - keep your weight through the back of your heels, and stick your bottom out. You should be able to wiggle your toes without upsetting your balance. Don’t do the crazy lifted heels version here, unless you’ve been taught how to do it properly, especially if you have any type of knee problem.

I agree that the best exercises are ones you can do anywhere, and compound exercises (ones using lots of muscles versus something like bicep curls which is a single joint or isolation exercise) are far more efficient at burning energy. You just need good technique when you do them.

Great recipes, good advice, slightly dodgy technique, I rate it ***

No shame in coming last, Pg 141

I always say I love AJ Rochester’s articles, and I’m saying it here again. Read it and enjoy.

Awesome issue of In Style, although I’m annoyed at my inability to post a photograph of Sophie Ellis Bextor’s haircut. Still, I’m a grown up and I can move on from there, but if you’re standing in the supermarket queue and need something to fill in the time, turn to page 166 and check out her great ‘do and flawless makeup. It’s almost enough to make me wear makeup more often. Almost!

Still, I might not have to if this nutrition article in this month’s issue is worth it’s salt (to coin a nutrition-style joke). Just a few pages on from the great haircut and make up you’ll find:

Eat right, Look Great, Pg 185

Three pages of foods to focus on for different skin problems, ranging from acne, dry skin, puffy eyes (thanks, 5am start) and rosacea. There are also foods to avoid if you have these problems, so you can give yourself a double hit of effectiveness. This article quotes top New York dermatologist Nicholas Perricone, who has a series of best selling books, and Melbourne based dietician Melanie McGrice.

One of the things I like most about this article is the third page, where there are easy to implement ways of getting extra nutrition into your diet, via juices, herbal tea and nut bars (they recommend Nut Delight by Be Natural, and I second their recommendation - delicious!). There’s a list at the side of the “substitute this for that” variety, which I’m always a sucker for.

All in all, a great article. I give it ****, and will be trying out several of the suggestions myself.

Control What You Eat (and trick your body into losing weight), Pg 80

Eating seems to be a big factor in health articles this month, and New Woman is concentrating on hunger - is it real, or are you being a slave to food cravings?

I like the format of this one, since nutritionist Samantha Gowing answers questions from readers, so rather than having to read a huge amount of information in one go, you can scan the pages and check out what you’re interested in.

At the bottom of the page is a food diary, which is a recommended tool to help you work out how well you’re eating. I often suggest this to my clients, and most of the time they don’t even need me to look at it to tell them what they’re doing wrong - it becomes fairly clear once it’s written down. The nice thing about this food diary is a) it’s someone else’s, so you don’t have to feel guilty, and b) there’s instantaneous feedback on what they’ve done wrong - and you still don’t have to feel guilty!

On the last page, there are reader’s suggestions on how to curb your appetite when you might not feel like it. They’re actually all good, and easy to implement.

Nice article, great format, good suggestions. I give it ***

What He Really Thinks Of You Naked, Pg 98

Not a health and fitness article per se, but something I found really interesting. Three women are asked to rate their bodies, both with and without clothes, and describe what they like and dislike about them. Their partners are asked to do the same.

All three women rated themselves 4/10 or below without clothes, while all their partners rated them 10/10 - both naked and with clothes. What’s really disturbing is two out of three of the women don’t really like anything about their bodies. The third rated her feet as her favorite body part, mainly because she spends a lot of time making them pretty.

A cynical person might say the guys felt pressure to give the highest possible score to be seen in a good light, but are women in general really so unhappy with their body image they can’t think of anything positive to say about themselves? Only one of the three women felt comfortable being naked in front of her partner, odds which I think are totally wrong. What’s the general consensus out there?