Over the past couple of days, I’ve learned a huge life lesson, one that may explain why many of my, and other people’s relationships have failed, and may fail yet again. Gather closely friends, as I reveal my terrifying secret … communicating is hard!

Like most people, I have many skills. Previously, I would’ve counted communicating among(st?) them. I spend my day at work showing people how to do difficult things, finesse their technique with carefully chosen words … I’m a mother to a girl I’m fairly sure I have an awesome relationship with - there must be some communication there.

But put it in a relationship sense, and things get difficult. You may already be surmising, but yes, it’s true - Bike Boy and I hit that all important relationship marker - the first argument - and unfortunately, he’s just as stubborn and pedantic as I am. As these things always seem to be, it was over nothing. But as well as the “nothing” there was also “something”, which seemed to have nothing to do with the “nothing”. So we talked. Talking turned into arguing, then tears, then everything was okay, apart from exhaustion like I’ve never known.

Several things puzzled me about our argument. We’re open and honest with one another, which actually freaks me out a bit. I feel like I can say anything, and won’t be judged harshly for it … and yet, I don’t. I spent some time yesterday thinking about previous arguments I’ve had, things I’ve said and haven’t said, and came to the conclusion I’m way too stubborn for my own good. I know there are times when I’ve deliberately not been honest because I feel the other party should work it out for themselves - why should I make it easy for them? Then things get horribly adversarial, and only ugliness can follow. I came to other conclusions as well, but I’m going to keep them to myself … but not out of lack of communication, okay? Just because I want to.

So, instead of withholding this information from Bike Boy, as would be my usual behaviour, I came clean. After I’d finished, he admitted he felt exactly the same, and suddenly I didn’t feel like such a loser anymore. So, we’ve come up with a strategy for dealing with any situations arising from here. A several fold strategy, in fact. Even better than that is the feeling I’m actually maturing as a person. Because what good is a Certificate 4 in Life Coaching if you can’t back down in an argument? I think we all know the answer to that, don’t we?

Today I’m loving: the strawberry and rhubarb yoghurt I discovered yesterday, and my sweet dog, who at last has some relief from the bites on his ears.