It’s been a while since I’ve recapped one of my dreams, but last night I was on The Biggest Loser, being trained by Gillian Michaels. I think it was linked to some kind of in-dream makeup promotion I took part in since I was trying to gain weight by putting on muscle, not lose it.

First I had to sit on a swing and pretend I was on a bike by circling my legs wildly. I questioned the wisdom of this, considering there was a whole gym full of equipment only about ten feet away, and it was hurting my back. Later I found out Pilchen was sleeping on my lumbar region, but Gillian wasn’t swayed from her pseudo bike, and threatened to start moving the swing if I didn’t do a good enough job.

Later, there was a group challenge, where all the contestants (about forty of us) put on formal dresses and did some kind of bootcamp synchronised dancing, which was both insane and captivating. I was interviewed, and asked if my parents had made me feel as though only losing weight would make me a better person. I reminded them I was there to muscle up, so they moved on to someone else.

There were a few interruptions to the flow of the dream, the major one being Miss M, who spent yesterday in a foul mood due to being super tired. She fell asleep at about 4pm, and wasn’t able to wake up even to have dinner. So it follows that at 3am she was wide awake, and I knew good parenting wasn’t sending her to watch infomercials, so I drowsily patted her back until she fell asleep again. She’d also noticed my phone was beeping, which I’d totally shut out of my mind, but every hour or so I’d hear this little noise in my dream (possibly it became some kind of Biggest Loser benchmark) and get brought back to semi-reality.

I’m still riding high on yesterday’s domestic success, which is somewhat tragic. This morning while making breakfast I was even considering wiping down surfaces with paper towels. I unloaded the dishwasher instead, which was far more useful, but there’s still a whole day to go - who knows what might happen?

Today I’m loving: these red boots, which I found online last night.