When I was young, I made the mistake of watching Poltergeist, still one of the most scary films I’ve ever seen. For several months afterwards, I couldn’t look in a mirror or eat chicken, and to this very day, clowns frighten the hell out of me.

I used to stay at my grandparents house in Launceston during school holidays, and one of my grandmother’s neighbours had given her a clown doll. While that doll was in the house, I couldn’t go through the door. Even when it was locked in a cupboard, I didn’t feel safe - in fact, that almost made it worse, because I could imagine it busting out in the middle of the night and putting it’s little fabric hands around my throat. Consequently, the clown moved out whenever I was around.

As I grew up I kept seeing signs adding credence to my fear - John Wayne Gacy’s artworks, Kramer’s nemesis Crazy Joe Divola dressing up as a clown … Ronald McDonald, in any form he comes in. I’m sure it’s not just me who backs away from Bozo. So today, I’ve found a vision of my potential future so terrifying, I had to post the link here. In fact, it’s so shocking it had to be split into two parts, the first of which is here, the second here. Please watch both of them, and be grateful you aren’t yet at the mercy of these hideous creatures. Also, pay close attention to the insanity of the voice over, and lines like “if you do have a stuffed animal or glove puppet, it’s part of yourself, a very close friend”. That’s just what I’ve always said.

Today I’m loving: doing two full chin ups