health&fitnessfactorfiction.com

Today I decided to spring into action, buy another domain name and start a website devoted to my personal training business. After all, how hard could it be? Being a crazily non-computer literate person didn’t stop me from creating and maintaining this site, so a second one would surely (surely?) be a breeze.

Murphy’s Law quickly set me straight on my theory, making sure I was the only person signed onto the hosting company’s new server, which hasn’t got the license for the software needed to start up the site. But of course, I didn’t realise that. So after trying to upload FTP clients, wondering why I didn’t have to do that before, and still not understanding a damn thing about public.html, index.html, or index.php, I finally rang and discovered the problem was a missing Fantastico icon. That’s right, Leis, I forgot the number one rule - when you have Fantastico, you don’t need a stupid FTP!

So anyway, I can’t do anything with my site for another day. But I’ve discovered there’s a type of headache you will only suffer from when working with computers - or possibly printers. But as I said to the lovely man from the support hotline, “at least it isn’t my stupidity causing this problem”. He didn’t laugh, so I chuckled nervously at my own wit.

On other matters, today during spinning we worked on aerobic endurance. Consequently, I’m totally trashed - but it was great. Miss M goes back to school tomorrow, officially in middle school as a giant grade three. Last night she told me her new haircut makes her look like a lollypop, and wasn’t impressed when I reminded her she quite likes lollypops. Pilchen slept on my bed last night and woke me at 3.30am by playing with wooden venetian blinds, so I (lovingly) threw some clothing at her, but she thought I wanted to join in the game, so frolicked around the room for a while. She’ll be sharing Mr Dog’s kennel tonight …

Today I’m loving: jamon, the ham, rather than “jamon jamon” the movie, which I found a little tryhard

Only two weeklies rise to the challenge of giving us health and fitness tips. First out of the blocks:

NW - Pg 60 - What’s your celebrity fit style?

Similar to last week’s exercise article, this is a quiz with four parts about exercise and diet which is supposed to tell you which au currant star you’re most like. Since those stars are Cameron Diaz, Paris Hilton, Renee Zellweger or Gwyneth Paltrow, I’m hoping I get all A’s. (Anyone who’s read my reviews before will probably be able to guess which I’d like to emulate). One handy feature is the suggestions for balancing your preferences - eg, if you like yoga and Pilates, you need to add in some cardio. Valid point. When I took the quiz, my answers were all skewed by the fact I didn’t want to be like Paris Hilton, so I don’t know how accurate it can be. But as I’ve said before - celebrities, diet, exercise - what’s not to love? ***

Pg 70 - These People Weight Two Tonnes

Promo for the Biggest Loser, profiling the contestants. See article below for my feelings about the show.

Famous - Pg 64 - The 10 Superfoods

“Giving you everything from shiny hair to strong nails, these little gems are a must have for your pantry”

Including chocolate, red meat and veggies among other things, this list declares itself the bomb on what to eat. I can’t disagree with any of it. So grab this mag at the checkout and make sure your trolley is full of the things it’s listing here. ***

Pg 75 - Crunch time (Biggest Loser Promo)

As tragic as it is to admit it, I’m hanging out for the new series of the Biggest Loser to start. I like to pretend it’s “professional interest”, but that’s a thinly veiled lie. I’m a sucker for reality tv, and this is about as insane as it gets. I also like to yell at the trainers antics, then dissect it all with my clients the next day.

Weight related headlines:

Famous:

Diet Pill Popper (Britney Spears)

Reese’s Revenge Makeover (Reese Witherspoon)

Sienna’s Way Too Skinny (Sienna Miller)

Uma’s Bikini Bump

Fat Chance (Steve-o from Jackass)

NW:

Maria’s Barmy Arm-y (Maria Sharapova’s alleged cellulite)

In my career as a parent, there have only been a few times when I’ve made mistakes that cause my heart to drop. Most of these times Miss M was small and didn’t notice or care. At around 11am today, I had some of the worst few moments of my mothering life.

Miss M has the most beautiful, fast growing hair. It’s nearly impossible to care for, because she hates brushing it, hates me brushing it, and won’t wear it pulled back because she loves having it out. Sometimes in the mornings when she wakes up, she looks like some little mad Neanderthal woman, with a crazy birds nest of hair - gorgeous, but not really practical.

After the market this morning, I decided we had to brush it. The routine is Miss M brushes first, then I go through and get yelled at for finding all the knots she’s left. Because she’s been to the pool a couple of times this week, her hair was far worse, and for what must have been the millionth time I told her it was too long to look after. For the first time ever, she told me to cut it off. Knowing I had to quickly capitalise on her decision, I carefully worked out where I’d cut it to, showed her, then got the scissors and went to work.

Let me mention the last time I cut anyone’s hair (other than using clippers on my own) was when my poor boyfriend Matt let me use scissors on him when I was about nineteen. The next day he went to work wearing a hat, and had his head shaved at lunchtime. But cutting long hair is easier … right?

I pulled out all the hairdresser knowledge I’ve picked up over the years - using my fingers to work out where to cut, taking my time … but nothing prepared me for how much hair came off, and how short it suddenly seemed … way shorter than I’d told Miss M I’d cut it. It was also a little uneven, but I saw if I kept going, she’d end up bald, so I hid the hair I’d cut off (more than most adults will ever have in their life), and told her to go into the bathroom and look at her new do.

For the next couple of minutes I suppressed the urge to vomit with fear, expecting a scream and the result of two years of Karate lessons flailing into me, but instead there was silence - which made me even more terrified.

“Mummy - I love it”, were the sweetest words I’ve ever heard in my life. Miss M came out with the hugest smile, stroking her smooth hair, which is in an intriguing asymetrical, slightly feathered bob. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. It actually looks really good - more a testament to her beauty than my ability as a hair artiste. So here’s a photo, and next time, I’m taking her to an outside party, who doesn’t have to fear reprisals.

Happily, as well as having a great new hairstyle, Miss M has fully recovered from yesterday’s illness, best illustrated by her demand for sausage, eggs and bacon in Turkish bread at the market this morning. It’s good to have her back!

Today I’m loving: my new super organised kitchen cupboards, now divested of all out of date items, complete with labelled screw top jars. Scary!

I feel quite disoriented having a day off when I’d normally be working - but in an excellent way. Sadly, my small spitfire is unwell, and has been asleep for the last four hours. When we woke up she wasn’t herself, and by the time mid morning rolled around she had a temperature and was shivering.

Miss M is almost (touch wood) never sick, and really doesn’t know how to deal with illness at all. She’s good at feigning it, but can’t quite grasp the idea of being an invalid, so after she’d watched some television, I suggested she try to relax in bed - I learned some time ago to avoid the word “nap”.

I put on some relaxing music which she scoffed at, calling it “boring”, but two minutes later she was out cold and is showing no sign of waking up.

We did manage to go for a walk with Mr Dog before her illness struck, but I’ve spent the rest of the day housebound, cutting up old magazines and, even more disturbingly, ironing! Only things I’m going to sell on eBay, but it’s still against everything I stand for. Nature has paid me back by ensuring I burnt myself while ironing, so every time I flex my thumb, I renew my love of crumpled clothing.

Today I’m loving: finding an awesome recipe for Scotch broth, and having every ingredient needed to make it.

I’ve just eaten some of the best pineapple ever, hung out my washing, and finally dealt with some paperwork I’ve been putting off for ages. Ahhh.

I also survived five and a half hours of work without a break. A good morning of personal training usually involves trying to schedule back to back sessions, but it’s a toss up as to how long you can survive and give your clients 100%. My normal limit is four hours in a row, but today was stretched out due to some unforseeable circumstances.

The worst part was having eaten breakfast just after 5am, I was starving by 11.30. I managed to control myself until my last client left, then raced next door to the Spanish deli for sustenance. (Mental note: allow more than thirty minutes between ciabatta and teaching yoga next time)

I’m taking Friday off, thanks to lots of clients going away and rescheduling their appointments, and the idea of a public holiday where I don’t have to work is just too exciting. Even better is getting to spend some quality time with Miss M, who is staying with her papa until tomorrow afternoon. No doubt her new bike will be getting a workout …

Today I’m loving: omelettes

Last year at the end of every school day Miss M’s class would sit in a circle, and each child would take it in turns to say “today was a good/bad day” and then tell why. I used to love listening outside the classroom, as some kids would start off telling about a good day, then somehow get outraged during the reasoning and it would all end up bad. Miss M, being the drama queen she is would often put together a melange of good/bad. Similar to wrapping up Academy Award speeches, her poor teacher Kevin would have to try and hurry the tales along before too much anguish set in.

So anyway, today was a good day because:

I decided to get a bit more proactive about my business, and it paid off enormously. I won’t go into details in case I somehow put the mozz on it, but suffice to say good things are happening now, but better ones are on the horizon.

I got my mobile phone fixed. This may not sound like such a big deal, but the stupid thing was unusable except for taking calls. Now it works perfectly, and as a huge bonus, it didn’t lose all the numbers I’d programmed in, or the gorgeous photos I’ve taken of Miss M.

One of my favorite people at the gym is going to train with me starting next week, and I can’t wait.

I went to see a flat this afternoon, which was so tiny and disappointing, I’ve reached the point of being able to be completely unemotional about future accommodation. Even a couple of days ago I probably would’ve walked away with a headache at the very least, or in tears. Today, I just thought “great, there’s $270 a week I won’t be spending”. So for the rest of this week, I won’t be looking at any real estate websites, or real estate sections in the paper, or anything to do with housing. Or that’s the plan today.

However, in a Miss M style ‘have it both ways’ twist, I’d like the ability to remember that a giant panetone, even costing only $3.99 and being filled with chocolate cream, is no bargain. Why do they look so delicious and become so sickening within one slice? Or should I have bought the one with the lemon cream? I suspect I’d still be typing this sentence, but replacing lemon with chocolate. Anyway, if that’s the only sour note in my day (boom boom), I’m doing pretty well.

Today I’m loving: running into my gorgeous friend Liz while checking out the tiniest flat I’ve ever seen.

Photos of the Golden Globes have edged out a lot of exercise related articles this week. Here are the best of some slim pickings:

New Idea, Pg 70 - Are you a ticking time bomb?

Interesting quiz about cholesterol facts - disturbing, because there are so many varieties of cholesterol, including HDL, the good kind, many different readings, and misleading labelling of products. Worthwhile reading, if only at the checkout, just to give yourself a heads up on an important health issue. *** Nothing glam, but salient facts nonetheless.

Pg 75, Get Fit With Guy - No more excuses

If you need inspiration to get your exercise program into gear for the new year, read this article. Judy Rowland-Smith was completely paralysed in an accident, and told she was never going to walk again. She flew in the face of medical expectations, and is now paddling with former Ironmen, boxing, skipping and aiming to run in next year’s World Masters Athletics. I admit I’m a big softy, but I wiped a couple of tears away while reading this incredible story. And I forgot to mention Judy is sixty. I’ll be cutting this out for reading any time I feel like slacking off. ****

Famous, Pg 66 - Choose your workout

One of my favorite kinds of articles - pick a celebrity you think you’re similar to, and exercise like her (sorry guys, no boys are included). While at first glance this article looks trashy, it actually has some really good diet tips for each category of person, which include the Workaholic, Yummy Mummy (I hear there’s a great class for them …), the Gym Junkie, and the Jetsetter. It has advice for fitting exercise into your busy life, and heaps of options you might not have considered. And celebrities - what more could you want? ****

OK, Pg 80 - 5 reasons to do Pilates

Pilates is cool, and lots of people like it. Certainly it produces some fabulous bodies, and fantastic core muscles. I find after doing a lot of yoga, the breathing seems to be the total opposite of what feels natural, which means I never quite feel totally relaxed while doing it. That being said, you should definitely try it out before making your own decision. It’s worth finding a small class, or even spending a little more and having a private lesson, since the difference between right and wrong can be amazingly tiny. I use a lot of Pilates style exercises with my clients, and they’re far superior to the traditional five hundred crunches favoured by the old skool gym goers.

I laughed at the photograph of Lindsay Lohan, showing off her “Pilates moves”, which shows her doing a yoga pose called the dancer - but I’m just picky. And on closer inspection, I think it’s Jessica Alba. ***

Miss M is almost back to her normal self, and I’m almost back into my proper routine, having gone to the market, and delightfully, having some food in the house. I seem to have been working a lot more lately, which has meant having almost nothing edible in reach. We (my mother, aka Ria, and I) bought some gorgeous white peaches this morning, and now the house smells of fruit.

I worked a tiny bit this afternoon, got soaked in one of the intermittent downpours we’ve been having (but didn’t really mind), and started reading the third romance novel I bought yesterday, having ploughed through two already. I feel quite proud of myself as I’ve written three and a half thousand words of the romance novel I’ve been developing for the last few weeks, but haven’t been able to churn out anything concrete on before. It actually reads okay, which is even better, but I don’t think I’ll be able to show it to anyone I know, due to the requisite raunchy content, and highly lurid nature of writing. Maybe I could pretend a friend of mine’s writing something she wants critiqued …

My plans for future accommodation are still morphing every day, and as much as I try not to think about anything until the paperwork is at least in train, I find myself logging onto domain.com and now searching the “buy” section. I’ve been looking at apartments, something I thought I’d never do, especially since the ones in my price range are one bedroom open plan ones. Initially I was repulsed by the idea, but since seeing an article on just such an apartment in a funky magazine, I’m now thinking it might work well.

It would require serious paring down of possessions (like 50%), and serious storage. So all day I’ve been searching for my Ikea catalogue to check out some bookshelves I think are called “Billy” (why, I have no idea). My brother mentioned using them as a dividing wall, which I thought was a great idea. So as I sifted through giant piles of magazines, papers, books, schoolwork, flyers, and general crap, I felt my heart sink and doubt settle at the idea of ever being able to get organised. I can’t even find the damn organisational catalogue.

But I’m determined to reform. I got my eBay mojo back last week, so I’m going to spend the next couple of weeks savaging my house and selling things. I always like the copywriting aspect of selling on eBay, so it’ll be fun as well as (hopefully) profitable and freeing. We’ll see …

Today I’m loving: rain - and tonight, the upstairs of my house actually cooling down - woo hoo!

My girl is home! It’s great to see her, but she’s understandably disoriented, and has been veering between hysterical laughter and mad crying fits since I got back from work this morning. Currently she’s being soothed off to sleep by my poor mother, who must be exhausted from three non-stop weeks of insane granddaughter antics.

Other than getting through two huge days, finally seeing my accountant yesterday (surprisingly pleasant), and deadlifting the equivalent of my body weight this morning, there’s not too much to report. I have a suspicion I’m going to be sore tomorrow, but I only have two hours of work to deal with, so I think I can manage. Then dumplings!

Today I’m loving: being a mama again

So hot! I’m trying to psych myself up for my third ride into work today, but without much success. The first spinning class of this year totally trashed me - I had to come home and have a nanna nap (so good!).

Only two more sleeps ’til Miss M comes home, and (obviously) I can’t wait. As tragic as it seems, I’m quite lonely without her around - although with her insanely oversized personality, it’s probably not surprising. The other bonus is my mother is flying over too, so I get to hang out with her until Sunday. Hopefully Camy have taken down their sign saying “this restaurant is closed for a period of time” (with no specification of said period of time), because I’m in the mood for dumplings.

I’ve avoided looking at any real estate today, since events of the last couple of days have left me dazed and confused. I’m seeing my accountant tomorrow afternoon, which will hopefully give me some perspective on financial events. Or possibly leave me more dazed and confused. I guess I’ll know by this time tomorrow.

Today I’m loving: meeting an exact double of Mr Dog on our walk this morning