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She’s home, looking disturbingly grown up (this was even acknowledged by several other parents), and wheeling my pink and white camoflage print suitcase. Camp was awesome apparently, but now she’s asleep, after eating the pig ribs I bought from the Spanish deli today, knowing the carnivorous child would love them.

The only mishap was a bull ant bite, sustained while saving Julie, the school principal from said bull ant, which was crawling on her hat. Miss M is extremely unworried about it, and totally okay with the fact her finger is hot and swollen. She won an award for being the survivor of a bull ant bite, which sounds token, but since she wasn’t the only one, she must’ve done it with the aplomb I’d expect.

I’m knackered, thanks to drinking a couple of glasses of wine last night, then waking up to discover I hadn’t switched my alarm on. Happily I woke at the right time, but I was slightly dehydrated and dishevilled, so it started my morning on a sour note. The next sour note was forty minutes later, as I tried to leave for work but couldn’t find my keys. Since I couldn’t leave the house without them, I raced around like a maniac, wondering where the spare set was, then remembering Harry and Mieke (our next door neighbours) have them. Harry gets up as stupidly early as I do, so I rang him, but as he answered, I realised the keys had been in my pocket all along.

Slightly similar was the moment yesterday when I thought I’d lost my wallet but was actually holding it in my hand. Mental note - whenever anything’s lost, chances are it’s on my person somewhere.

So I’m going to feed my animals, drink some water and hit the hay early. Steve has decided we’re training for endurance at the moment, which I think is code for “you won’t be able to move tomorrow”. I guess I’ll find out soon enough!

Today I’m loving: Miss M being home … and the Monster (who may or may not be explained at another time)

I walked away in the face of a truly awesome bargain this afternoon. Because the 112 tram had broken down, I was taking a stroll up Brunswick Street and happened upon a shop selling discount Allanah Hill clothing, along with various other designer labels. Against my better judgement I went inside to scope out the racks, and found the most gorgeous hand beaded silk dress which was reduced from $489 to $69. I’m not great at maths, but I knew that was a damn fine bargain, so I picked it up and carried it around for a little while, trying to ignore the fact it was totally see through, and completely impractical - much more so than a bargain Target dress, which doesn’t show my underwear.

Further down the rack, there was a supercool bright red 100% wool dress that buttoned down the front, which was named after Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I love red, I love that style of dress, and it was only $50. So I carried that around for a while too. In the past, I wouldn’t even have bothered trying them on, but I’m trying really hard to be sensible when buying clothes, so I went into the changeroom (no mirror inside) and put on the red dress first. It was missing two buttons but still looked great (but God that lighting made me look hideous. Even the fluoros at the gym aren’t as harsh). I tried to imagine it with long boots and a slightly better lit face. Then I thought about the buttons. Would I replace them? (No). Would I always look at the dress, thinking “I spent $50 on you, and you’re missing two buttons I’m too lazy to replace” (Yes). Did I need it? (No) Was it the tram’s fault I put myself through this? (Yes). So I walked away, dressless. Amazing.

Today I had lunch with Jane, who’s been training with me since early this year. Sometimes we go out after yoga, which is always fun. It’s nice when people you’ve originally met as clients become your friend as well (especially when you’ve forced them to do lunges and they still like you - well, perhaps forced isn’t quite the right word, but you know what I mean). I also give Jane top marks for not even blinking last time we went out as I ordered a huge slice of chocolate cake with cream - possibly not the best example your personal trainer could provide. Today I was far more reserved and just had chicken risotto with wild mushrooms.

Miss M is at camp tonight, but left me the most gorgeous answering machine message, which I’ve replayed a couple of times. I’m imagining her swinging around the ropes course and demanding a lot of food. I hope that camp’s stocked up well on groceries. To celebrate my relaxing evening I’m cooking lamb shanks, then I’m going to have a bath and go to bed super early. I was going to go to a movie, but I really wanted to see the new James Bond film, and it hasn’t started yet, and I can’t decide on a replacement.

As a footnote, I forgot to mention the second, less practical and seethrough dress, which didn’t fit properly and had a dodgy zip. Needless to say (although I think I already did), it went back on the rack.

Today I’m loving: willpower, baby!

Yesterday I decided my three self imposed Monday deadlines were too much. When I edited on Blue Heelers, I thought pressure was writing a forty five second scene about the police getting hamburgers from the Imperial (with heart, dammit!), but that was nothing compared to pumping out a review, newsletter and a daily post within the space of a couple of hours. Also, a producer, director, first AD and story editor are nowhere near as scary as Miss M when she wants my attention - all they can do is sack you (and then who’d write that hamburger scene?), but the mental torment a seven year old can wield goes far beyond joblessness.

So for this reason the weekly newsletter will now go out on Wednesday. The review of trashy weeklies will continue on Mondays. Ah, that feels better!

Miss M goes camping with the school tomorrow, and is practically beside herself with excitement. Every morning when she wakes up her first words are to do with the camp, and she’s already packed everything except her bathers (I have to wash them first), toothbrush, toothpaste and insect repellent. When I went to camp I was invariably attacked by mosquitoes (usually around my eyes), so I want to avoid her reliving my experience.

This morning while we were having breakfast she was looking at my new Jamie Oliver cookbook, and told me she didn’t like him. When I asked why, she said it was because he had a sham wife. Then she said anything I ever did wrong would be his fault, and pretended to slap his face. She’s an intriguing girl - I’ll miss her while she’s gone!

Today I’m loving: Hayley, who works on reception at Hunts. So sweet, yet so cynical!

OK - Bounce back after baby like … Angelina Jolie - Pg 86

Fairly obviously, this article’s about how Santa Angelina got her fab bod back after having Shiloh. Her diet’s mainly credited - then later it’s slipped in that she worked out with Gunnar Peterson, one of the top celeb trainers in Hollywood. It mentions she avoided gaining too much weight while pregnant - only 10kg, which is in the “only what you need to gain for the baby” range. I think this is a really conservative estimate - I’ve just checked my information about training pre and post natal women, which says that 12.5kg is an average, and recommended weight gain during pregnancy. It also says “don’t dwell on weight gain unless excessive, encourage moderate exercise and healthy nutritious diet”. I like that advice much more than the crazy Hollywood version.

The expert quoted here advises “taking off around 9kg in four to six weeks”. This is unrealistic weight loss in anyone’s terms - 500g to 1kg a week is a safe, and maintainable weight loss. Telling anyone they should lose 9kg in six weeks is bad advice - unless you want them to feel like a failure, or go on some crazy diet/exercise program.

Somehow the last paragraph seems to negate everything else that’s said here, with the sentence “don’t get too hung up on the scales”. That’s after quoting kJ intake for breastfeeding mothers. Isn’t it enough to be dealing with a small baby, sleep deprivation and everything else that goes along with having a child? Angelina may have lost weight in an insanely quick period of time, but she doesn’t live a normal life. Also, the mention of following a low-carb diet yet again is silly. Eat plenty of carbs, just choose the right ones - and don’t always believe the hype.

Training pre and post natal women is one of my areas of expertise, so it disappoints me to read something that could negatively influence people’s idea of health and what’s expected of their bodies. Make sure when you read something like this that you investigate what’s said so you know it’s both true and safe. *

Woman’s Day - Mariska’s Post Baby Body - Page 30

All I can say is hooray for Mariska Hargitay - this article is everything the previous one isn’t. She gained 25kg while she was pregnant, and has lost all the extra weight by eating a sensible diet, breastfeeding, and taking a smart approach to her life. She also has realistic expectations about her body - her mother was Jayne Mansfield, so as she says, “I’m allowed to have curves”. If you’re looking for celebrity advice on losing post baby weight, check out this article, and go for the sane approach. ****
New Idea - Get Fit With Guy - Pg 96

This is an update of Guy Leech’s “extreme overhaul” of Dicko, which by this account is going well. What’s most interesting is in the bottom left corner - a list of different alcoholic drinks and ho, their kilojoule count, and how long they take to burn off. Some of the activities are a bit dodgy - washing the car maybe isn’t the most practical way to convert kJ’s - but when a Jim Beam and cola takes 25 mins of jogging to negate, it puts it into more user friendly terms.

A lot of people trying to lose weight forget about counting alcohol and focus just on the food. You could be packing on the equivalent of another huge meal just from a few beers after work - worthwhile (but boring) thinking about it. **

NW - Set your sites on a hot bod - Page 70

A whole bunch of websites that can help you in your quest to lose weight, and get support and information about health and fitness. Some of it is interesting, but some is a little too obsessive - entering what you’ve eaten, getting a breakdown of kJ’s, and what it’s made up of is a great way to send yourself mad. Try to eat sensibly, pack in heaps of fruit and veggies, and you won’t need a computer to tell you what’s going on. Sure it’s not as much fun, but why hang out in front of the computer when you could be burning off what you’ve eaten? **

This week’s weight related headlines:

Woman’s Day:

Libbi’s Hot New Shape. (Pg 31)
Selena’s joy - I’ve got my body back (Pg 82)
Kristin’s New Curves (Pg ?)

NW:

Proof! Brit’s Lipo Belly Ripples (Pg 28)
Diana Goes Bottoms Up (Pg 45)
Jorge’s A Smoothie (Pg ?)

OK

Kate’s New World (Pg 37)
Ricki Lee Gets In Shapes (Pg 46)
When the Chips are Down (Pg 48)

This is the fourth part of Instyle’s series of workouts which focus on different parts of your body. It’s all about legs this month, on page 254.

I like the way this article puts to rest the idea that working your legs will always bulk them up. Although some women do have a tendency to build chunky thighs, bodyweight exercises will very rarely contribute to this. It mentions spin classes can contribute to big legs, but personally I reckon you’d have to be doing several a week, and maxing out on the resistance. Make sure you periodise your class with bursts of easy riding (a good instructor will set their class up like this anyway), to avoid overworking your quads.

As with the abdominal part of the program a couple of months ago, it’s great to see cardio mentioned here to enhance the results of your workout. You can build muscle, but what’s the point if it’s hiding under fat?

This plan has four different parts to it, the idea being you do a different one every day. Personally, I’d prescribe a day of rest between doing walking lunges and squat holds and zig zag lunges. Both use the same main muscle groups, and to use them two days in a row leads to overwork. My main complaint with this article is the idea of focussing on only one part of your body at time. Any good program aims for balance between abs, back, chest and legs, and obviously splitting these areas into four seperate months will sell more magazines, it can lead to imbalance and overtraining.

That said, I like these exercises. Good illustrations for most of them mean you can work out what you need to do without being too confused. There are some fairly advanced exercises here, like scissors, side-kick plank and side thigh raises, so it’s important to understand you’ll need to have good core control. Even a basic lunge is a challenging exercise to do properly, so make sure you’re not overdoing the reps before your technique is right.

Adding a day of rest between each day of working out will make this a much better option. ***

It’s been a lean couple of months in the old glossy monthly stakes, with most of last month’s mags neglecting the health and fitness front totally. Happily it’s Cleo to the rescue, with month 3 of their Bikini Body Panic Plan on page 201.

This month’s all about maximising results and minimising time spent working out. Basically it’s a circuit program, with 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest. It’s not a new idea, but it appeals to a lot of people because so many of us are now pressed for time.

“It may sound too good to be true, but this 20 minute workout will give you better results than the average one and a half hour session”. Some important things to remember when reading this quote: I don’t think anyone should be working out for longer than an hour - unless you’re going to fatigue and having to rest for 5 minutes between sets, there’s no way you’ll have enough energy to do quality work for the whole 90 minutes. An “average” 90 minute session would be just that - wandering around the gym, saying hi to a few people, pumping out some cursory reps, then getting sick of it and bailing out. If you focus, work hard, and go in with a plan, then it doesn’t need to take forever.

Exercises this month are a bit of a mixed bag, and once again, the weak point in most of them is the demonstration. I don’t have many clients I’d be happy prescribing the second day 2/5 exercise to, mainly because it’s too much for most people’s lower backs - and that’s with close supervision. Squat jumps, shoulder pushups and burpees (which here have a much better name in spring jumps) are all advanced exercises, and if you’re unfit, there’s a really good chance you could hurt yourself. Remember when you’re doing a circuit and you’re getting tired, chances of injury are greatly increased. Pay special attention to keeping your core strong, and your neck relaxed, which are both hard as you fatigue.

My favorite exercise this month is virtual skipping, which is something I’ve been getting clients to do for ages. It’s awesome, and you can do it anywhere, but remember to stay on your toes and jump lightly unless you want to feel your shins for the next couple of days. Also wear a good bra! This article needs more information on technique, but in principle it’s a goody. ***

Page 206 moves into celebrity diet secrets, which are all good, but I’m slightly skeptical of Mandy Moore’s nutritionists claim that his diet will make you “instantly leaner”. I love reading what celebs are eating though. ***

Page 210 has an article by A.J. Rochester, listing 20 little things you can do to change your body. This is great stuff, and I give it a huge thumbs up. *****

When I was about seventeen I worked in a record shop. Actually it was a record shoppe - Sandy Bay Hi Fi and Eduardo’s Record Shoppe to be exact. I’d just finished Grade 12, with marks reflecting my lack of interest, and spent nine months being the co-host of a music video show called Between The Teeth, which was on before Beatbox on Saturday mornings on the ABC. Possibly the only show in history to have virtually never been seen by anyone, although one of my old boyfriends taped a song from the end of the show, which had my credit on it. He couldn’t remember having ever actually watched it though.

Working in at Eduardo’s was mindless but awesome. I loved music, I got to talk to heaps of people, and order in obscure records I couldn’t find anywhere else. Because the shop was in the carpark of a supermarket, we didn’t get much passing trade, so a lot of the time I could blast whatever crazy tunes I wanted and no one minded. It was in some of my massive downtime I discovered Tom Waits. I’m pretty sure it was Heart Attack and Vine, which someone had ordered, then never picked up. Although I was mostly into the Ramones and Australian bands on the Au-Go-Go label, I instantly loved the insanity of a crazy raspy voice, and music that didn’t seem to make any sense.

This was in 1987, so CD’s were just starting to appear, but almost no one I knew had a CD player. We speciallised in CD’s, so the reps from the turntable companies would come in and verbally trash CD players, the CD reps were evangelical in their hatred of vinyl. I liked vinyl, mainly because it seemed like much better value for money, and the bands I liked always had awesome covers.

Some of my favorite Eduardo’s memories:

On Saturdays (our busiest day) I’d be ordered to play CD’s from our ambient collection. One day I had ten people ask me where the toilets were after I played a CD featuring a babbling brook. I was under orders not to let anyone use said toilets, which didn’t really make anyone happy. I remember sniggering quietly to myself though.

One turntable rep setting up a demonstration using Joe Satriani’s Surfing With The Alien on vinyl and CD, and switching back and forth between the two, with the volume at about 10. He was cool, and he was right about vinyl sounding better.

Meeting one of my favorite boyfriends, Matt, over the phone while doing an order from BMG, who refused to send a rep down to deal with us because we were so tiny. I ended up moving to Melbourne to live with him.

Smearing a CD with peanut butter and still being able to play it, but I honestly don’t know how that worked, or why we didn’t destroy the highly expensive piece of equipment it was played in.

Every Saturday I’d go to work with the most hideous hangover. Over the carpark from us was a coffee roaster, and I’d made friends with a very disturbed young man who worked there and hated my boss more than anything. He’d bring me a cup of whatever coffee they were roasting that day, and stay to bitch for about ten minutes. Ah, that sweet sweet caffeine …

The cute boy who’d come in sometimes, and my friend Leisa and I nicknamed the Body Beautiful. Man he was dumb, but he lived up to his nickname.

Last night, as Miss M and I were eating dinner, she surprised and amused me by putting on a Tom Waits CD - The Heart of Saturday Night, which is quite melancholy, but slightly more accessible than some of the others. After she finished her ravioli, she played some air piano, then got up and did some Isadora Duncan style interpretive dancing to the second track (I’m not sure what it’s called, because someone burned it for me), which ended with her collapsing to the floor as though dead. This morning she played it again, this time without the dancing. The girl might not like Carly Simon, but any seven year old who digs Tom Waits has character.

Today I’m loving: the guilty pleasure of cancelling an hour of work! And brownies.

Miss M and I have just come home from a trip to the Richmond pool. I can’t remember the last time I immersed myself in chlorine, and even though my hair’s short, I stink of the filthy stuff (chlorine, not hair). It was kind of fun, although my freestyle breathing needs some serious work. Luckily I was paying attention when the grade two class were having their lessons - one arm for breathing, and the other for bubbling, but then I got out of whack and ended up with water up my nose. Most fun was pretending to be various animals nominated by the other person (me - cat, horse, snake, Miss M - dolphin, hawk, clown fish), even though my dolphin was allegedly “too hunched”. We ate orange quarters on the way home, and used them like teeth, which was especially good when we walked past a voting venue and were offered flyers.

Voting today was a bit anticlimactic. I was unsure of who was worthy almost until I stood with the pencil in my hand. Afterwards we had Bad Boy Burgers (if you’re near Bridge Road, I can highly recommend them) which was much better.

We did our regular market trip this morning and bought the most spectacular tomatoes for $2.99 a kilo. In a frenzy of domesticity, I’m cooking a huge vat of chicken stock, and I made brownies this afternoon. I misread the recipe and added some sour cream, which I then realised was supposed to be served on top of them. They ended up being delicious - possibly even more so thanks to the eroneous sour cream.

For dinner tonight, we’re making some ravioli Miss M’s just invented, which involves ricotta, mince, some Tuscan sausages and egg yolk. I was going to make the pasta, but then I realised that was insane, so I just bought lasagne sheets, which I’ll reroll in my pasta machine, while pretending I made them. On the way home from the pool, Miss M said “if they don’t work, we’ll just go out to dinner somewhere”, which made me laugh because it’s what I always say. I’d better go and start the Bolognaise sauce, or I’ll be in trouble for not letting it cook long enough.

Today I’m loving: orange zest. When added to brownies, and it’s fabulous smell.

My yoga teacher Ian is like a (wonderfully) mad genius. I’ve tried nearly every type of yoga in Melbourne, but I’ve never met a teacher like him before. Every class is different, he’s not afraid to use books, or change things at a moments notice. He doesn’t prepare, just goes with how many people are there, and whatever the vibe is. We often chant in Sanskrit, usually just at the beginning of the class, and sometimes during the poses. After a few classes with lots of people, today was only Eva, Mimo and I, and we chanted for nearly forty minutes.

Ian often starts the class with an incredibly deep, almost hard to handle chant - and today we learned how to do it. It’s hard to not be self conscious, but after a little while, I got right into it. It’s amazing what voices can do when you let them. We repeated the chant we begin the class with, but with Sanskrit correction - not saha na va vatu - sa HA na va VAtu, not shanti - shhh-ant-i-i, and sometimes shant-thi-i. Always a pause after om. I felt very Eliza Doolittle. Then we did headstands, which are always exciting, and are possibly my least performed yoga pose - apart from bakasana - the crow pose, which makes me scared I’m going to break my nose.

Only two more weeks until the yoga term finishes. I don’t know what I’ll do without it. Well, yes I do - I’ll be taking my mat to the horse park and hoping Mr Dog doesn’t knock me down while I’m trying to do balance poses.

On a non-yoga note, today I spent an hour writing all my programs for next week - that’s right - ALL. I don’t really know where the idea came from, but it was pure genius, and now means I can just grab my client’s books and know it’s all done. I even remembered who needed new programs - Daniel, you’re going to love your new split! Tonight has been an evening of delicious pasta, salad, and Miss M nearly falling asleep at 6pm. It’s still so light I’m toying with the idea of taking Mr Dog to the park before bedtime.

Today I’m loving: tea. Thought I’d never say it, but I’ve only had one cup of coffee, and instead drunk tea twice.

Bill Granger, I could kiss you. Thanks to you I made delicious food, and was inspired enough to stock up on a couple of things for an equally great lunch today. My cooking mojo has returned! (mental note, don’t speak too soon)

This morning was great - I got to have breakfast between clients (today it was a second breakfast, because Ms Domesticity had the first one at 5.15am), the Yummy Mummies came in, plus my current crush was around for an hour. A couple of hours ago I would have added training with Steve to my list of Thursday pluses, but please direct your eyes to the title of this post. I had to do nearly every one of my most hated exercises, and hideous abdominals as well. I’ll sum it up with “ow”.

So I’m running a bath, which should take the edge off some soreness (or maybe compound it - I’m never sure), and tomorrow will stretch out with Buddhist yoga. The week’s nearly over, Miss M and I are going to Harry and Mieke’s for pizza tonight (no cooking!), and I start work at 8.30am tomorrow. Ahh.

Today I’m loving: the thought of a bath in about five minutes!