health&fitnessfactorfiction.com

OK Magazine, Page 90, Eva’s Body

Hooray, I give my clients the same kind of medicine ball woodchop squats Eva Longoria’s trainer makes her do. Maybe I should up my fees? Interesting article about someone who has a great body, but really seems to work for it. It’s always hard to tell what really goes on, but if you train three times a week and have a sensible diet, then you’re on the right track. Patrick Murphy and I also both like to say that cardio, nutrition and weight training are three key elements to looking great, but I like my version better where I make a triangle with my hands … Good article, good advice, and best of all, no mention of low-carbs! ☆☆☆☆

NW, Fighting Fat, page 64

If you want to freak yourself out a bit, check out this article which gives you a rundown of how much fat is in a few commonly eaten foods. It’s disappointing that one of the alternatives given is a frozen meal, when it’s much easier to lower your fat intake if you cook things yourself. It doesn’t have to be hard or time consuming either. Check out this week’s Top Five newsletter for an easy to make, low fat pizza which tastes fantastic. Over the page there’s three good afternoon snack ideas, and a lower kilojoule alternative to 2 minute noodles. Again, it’s basically a chocolate bar, and if you really want to lower kJs, eat a sandwich, or some almonds and dried apricots, which are the basis of this bar and forget the chocolate and other things it’s got in it. I give this article ☆☆☆

Who, Page 60 - Britney Bounces Back

Britney Spears had a baby five weeks ago, and is now in top shape again. Uh huh, that’s got to have been a safe exercise and diet plan she was following, when you see the photos of her in August. If you want to see a great, sensible plan, check out last weeks Weekly Review on Princess Mary’s regime. Again, the low carb diet rears it’s ugly head, and there’s vague information about cardio every day. Sure, the cardio part works, but I bet it’s way easier to hammer yourself when you’ve got a nanny to take care of your kids. If you’re a normal woman, don’t try and lose 18kg in five weeks. ☆☆

Britney’s story is followed by four pages of other celebrities and their post-baby bodies, with various means of losing weight. Gwyneth Paltrow has gone for a six week detox program with Nish Joshi (colonics, anyone?), and Katie Holmes “bounced right back”. Angelina Jolie wants other women to realise “they’re beautiful at any size”, kind of easy to say when you look like an ethereal goddess. Personally, it took me about two years to lose the thirty kilos I put on when I was pregnant with Miss M, and I’m happier with my body now than I ever was before. But the reality is, unless you’re some kind of genetic freak, you cannot lose the weight quickly without sacrificing your health, or gaining it back again later. Don’t believe the hype.

New Idea, page 56 - The Housework Workout

Man, if any workout ever struck a chord with me, this is it. Disappointingly, there’s not much detail. But, I know vaccuuming is hard work, dusting works your triceps, and cleaning the oven - well, you get my drift. If it works for you, go for it! ☆☆

On the opposite page, there’s another article about exchanging one food for a lower kJ one. Happily, one of the things exchanged is a piece of fruit. One out of six. It also gives you a rundown on how long it will take you housework wise to burn off said item. Don’t rely on pushing a trolley to burn off too many kJ’s! ☆☆

Woman’s Day - page 74, The Carb Lover’s Diet

Basically a promo for Bakers Delight’s new online menu planning tool, but I’m wrapt because there’s carbs a plenty here. Good ones too, not the bad kind. There’s also an interview with the Biggest Loser’s new female trainer, Kim, and a couple of other little snippets of info. Yay to the dietary advice.☆☆☆

There’s nothing like a fully packed day to make you feel like you’ve really achieved something. This morning I had two sessions at Hunt’s, then zipped off to North Melbourne on my beloved bike to do a four hour CPR update. This is the fourth one I’d done and I was approaching it with a fairly blase, done it all before attitude, so I was quite blown away when I saw that now instead of 60 compressions per minute, you have to do 100. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting. No more pulse taking, EAR (expired air resuscitation), or different ratios for children and babies. No more measuring up where to compress from. Just level with the armpits, and away you go. Build up that forearm strength first, though!

Usually, I do the course at St John’s Ambulance, and I didn’t ever realise how upmarket their CPR dummies were until today. Theirs all have faces - disturbingly, the face of a girl who drowned in Holland, and her father (somehow, I’m not quite sure) orchestrated to have her likeness put on the dummies, hopefully so deaths like hers would be prevented. All the dolls are called Annie, which was her name. Today, the dummies we used looked like something out of a zombie film - and not one of those newfangled high budget ones either. They had massive holes in their faces, and we had to put sandwich bags in the holes, and then were given a fake nose and mouth to put on top of the bag. Happily it didn’t look anything like Groucho Marx. SJA have rolls of face masks inside the dummies and give you hygenic wipes to use afterwards. Today, we kept our bag and damp flesh coloured partial faces in our pockets so we didn’t accidentally use anyone elses. Kind of disturbing …

So, my morning was spent blowing a dummy (my favorite CPR gag, which I made up last year, and only get mileage out of annually, so humour me please). I rode home, got a letter to say I’d passed last week’s exam (86%), made shepherd’s pie, which Miss M requested for dinner this evening, and am about to race off to teach yoga for an hour.

After yoga, I’ll make Miss M a pre-Karate snack, pick her up from school, and then divide my time between watching her do Karate, and looking after her sensei’s son, Kyle, who is about eight months old, and very, very intense. But lovely. Home again afterwards to put the pie in the oven, and head to the supermarket for groceries. Luckily, this evening, an early night is on the cards, matched beautifully by a late start tomorrow. Hooray!

Today I’m loving: sorry to mention it again, but 86% in my exam!

Cleo is fast becoming my pick of the glossy monthly mags for excellent exercise advice. This month the health section kicks off on page 216 with some nutrition advice. Four awesome salads (one I’m going to make for lunch tomorrow), and some great advice about eating bread. Thank God people are starting to wise up about the no-carb/low-carb issue. Also apparently apples are better for you than coffee in the morning - hmm, maybe, but I’m not giving up my morning java for anything!

Page 218 brings us to The Bikini Body workout, and it’s great to see everyone’s favorite exercise for legs, lunges, can be varied even more than I thought. My only issue with the curtsey lunges (1A), is that anyone with a knee issue will be wrecked by doing these. Ditto for the jump lunges, and once again, the model has really bad posture in the photos for 1B. I know that’s being picky, but if you’re putting photos in a magazine, you can make sure she pulls her chin back into line.

I like the Hindi Pushups, but they’re really just Downface and Upface Dog poses strung together. Good to see even a boot camp instructor can find ways to incorporate yoga into his regime! Power pushups are like the lunges - anyone with any kind of wrist or shoulder weakness is going to be destroyed by these.

I like the idea of the different cardio circuit exercises, but photos would have been handy. Bunny hops and single-leg hops I get, but the platypus walk and gorilla run have me slightly confused. Excellent ideas for overloading on both cardio and resistance work, and I love the fact you don’t need any equipment.

Good stuff with just a couple of really picky complaints. I give this article ☆☆☆☆

On Page 224, AJ Rochester writes a thought provoking and really intelligent article about the way we view food as comfort and a way to cope with stress in “Why food is not your therapist”. Really worth reading, and gives some excellent suggestions for substituting the chocolate and icecream for something worth while. ☆☆☆☆

I’ve recently embarked on a mission to live as inexpensively as possible. Partly because it’s a good thing to do, but mainly because over the next few months, some kind of settlement is going to happen with the house I’m currently living in. I’m hoping I’ll be able to buy my ex-partner out and stay here, and if that happens, I’m going to be taking on a somewhat hardcore mortgage. Even if it doesn’t happen, I like the idea of only spending money on what’s essential. I’ve discovered the joy of 7pm reductions at the supermarket, when sometimes organic scotch fillet steaks can be marked down to $2, when previously they might have been $12. Like everything in my life, I tend now to take this to extremes and refuse to buy anything that isn’t some kind of bargain.

Saturday’s market is an awesome place to save money, since whatever’s in season - oranges, asparagus and apples this morning - is always insanely cheap. It’s hard not to be seduced by mangoes (which smell so delicious) and strawberries (still from Queensland), but I’m going to leave those for another couple of weeks before I start buying. It’s always a toss up when you can buy multiple things inexpensively - am I really going to be able to use a boxful of anything before it goes bad? I’d like to think so, but often I’m proven wrong by more mould than even Marie Curie created. Or did she discover some kind of radiation? I’m never sure.

So this week’s mission for frugal living has been a success. My one exception at the market was dried cranberries, but even with those, beetroot, leeks, apples, lettuce mix, tomatoes and avocados I still spent under $15. Tonight I’m making a fabulous lamb shank concoction, which will use up various other bargains I purchased during the week, and should be delicious. If I can control Miss M to any degree, there might even be some left over for lunch tomorrow, but I won’t hold my breath.

Today I’m loving: the insane dream I had last night - that’s right, I’m not elaborating!

When Miss M was little, I was never sure what the parental etiquette of meat eating was. Should I tell her lamb was really “a lamb”, or chicken was the same cute, fuzzy yellow feathered thing she oohed and aahed over on Playschool? Beef, pork, ham and bacon were all safe, as it was hard to make a correlation between the name and where the meat had originated from, but I knew one day the party, so to speak, would be over.

It happened one day when she asked what was for dinner. The answer was ribs, as I’d been marinating some in a delicious concoction overnight. Miss M was silent for a few moments, then said “Mummy, are they human ribs?” I was slightly taken aback, but told her they were pork. And then came the crunch, when she asked what pork was. Later, when she was happily tearing into dinner, she said “wow, these pig ribs are fantastic”.

A couple of years ago, we watched an episode of The Simpsons, where Lisa becomes a vegetarian because she can’t bear the idea of eating delightful animals. Afterwards, I asked Miss M what she felt about the whole carnivorous situation. She told me she felt a little bad about eating animals, but that they were too delicious to give up, and I have to say I feel the same way. James, my brother who is also a dedicated carnivore, has been eating yak in Tibet (twice a day apparently), and buffalo in Laos. Any beasts of burden in Thailand should be slightly nervous for the next week or so.

I know I feel better when I include meat in my diet, and I make a big effort to buy free range and organic products wherever possible. Nutritionally, it’s generally agreed the most superior form of iron is haem iron, which is only found in meat. Miss M may well make the decision to become a vegetarian later on in life, but having seen the way she consumes what she likes to call “bone meat”, it’s probably not a wager I’d be taking.

Today I’m loving: being able to sleep in tomorrow!

I always get stressed out before exams. I’ve prepared for them at both ends of the spectrum, with obsessed, indexed notes covered with highlighting pens, and with the “ah, what the hell” attitude, when I feel like I should know everything already (this was mostly when I was at school). Today’s exam took the middle ground approach - I’d prepared, but not quite at fever pitch level. I’ve discovered doing a course by correspondence is not a wise choice for me, but with the end of this unit, closure’s almost here. I’ve got one unit left (assuming I pass this one), then I’m done.

The deal with these exams is they need to be done in front of someone who can witness a stat dec. Previously it was a Justice of the Peace, and for the last one I had to do, it was almost impossible to track down a JP. I finally found one who’d let me come to her office, but she worked in a hardcore community health centre, and kept having to take calls from clients in crisis - most notably one woman whose husband had died and left her with thousands of dollars worth of bills she couldn’t pay. By the time I left, I felt like I’d gotten more of an education than I’d bargained for.

Today’s affair was a lot more calm, as I discovered I could be supervised by Julie, the principal of Miss M’s school. I had the pleasure of saying hello to my sweet girl moments before kicking myself for not studying more. I’m sure I’ve passed - but until I get the letter next week, I’ll have a feeling of horrible uncertainty. So now I have to summon up the discipline to finish the last unit, and remember never, ever to do a correspondence course again.

Two more clients today, sun outside and eating pizza with Mieke and Harry this evening will round off the day nicely. Maybe that study can wait ’til tomorrow.

Today I’m loving: upping my weights with Steve, but fearing what tomorrow will bring muscle soreness wise. I can already feel my shoulders, obliques, legs, butt …

Currently Miss M is wearing a skirt made out of a cello rag. Well, to be more exact, it’s a piece of material which was used to clean my father’s cello, but somehow when we stayed in Tassie last Christmas, it was appropriated and made into a piece of clothing. Not many people could carry it off, but I have to say Miss M can. She has a very personal sense of style, which I’ve learned not to question. There was a time when we’d go to the supermarket and she’d wear a sequinned hot pink halter neck top and mini skirt, which was somewhat too small for her, but looked great - especially if the sun hit her just right, and she became a human disco ball. I finally banned the mini skirt, but the top stayed for quite some time, until it finally got “lost”.

I’m often encouraged to put on a “pretty dress”, which is code for “get out of those gym clothes you’re always wearing and look like a girl”. I think the main difference between us is I don’t want to sacrifice function for looks, whereas she will happily be uncomfortable in order to look good. I’m also inherantly scruffy. Miss M will be one of those girls who puts on a full face of makeup before breakfast and is embarrassed by her au naturel mother. She can already apply perfect lipstick without even looking in a mirror. I can’t. Say no more.

When (if) I ever do make an effort to dress up, she’s always extremely forthcoming with praise, which is very sweet. If heels are worn, the praise is even more profuse. Although she’s not the only one. Once when I went to a work function, I wore makeup and glammed up, and was complimented all night, which made me wonder if maybe it’s a great idea to hold back a little on what you can do and make a superb entrance when the time is right.

Today I’m loving: the four horses who let me pat them today, even the one who tried to bite my hand.

Evening bike rides are a great indicator that Summer’s coming - or in Melbourne’s case, Summer weather is already here. I’ve just ridden home from the gym, it’s after 8pm, and it’s incredibly warm outside. So much so that my normal route around the back of the Carlton United Brewery holds more charm than just being whistled at by a bunch of rowdy truckdrivers (although this can sometimes be a great self esteem boost). Because beer is stored in huge refrigerated warehouses, cool air blows out and on a hot night, it’s just beautiful. Tonight I rode up and down the street a few extra times just to make the most of the breeze. Tragic? I think not!

The warm weather has also brought out dozens of tiny insects, who sometimes like to hitch a ride with you, or if you’re not careful, go down your throat, as I discovered during my afternoon ride. By tonight I’d learned to breathe through my nose, and just got hit in the face a few times instead. Mental note: a moth at 27 kph is painful.

Thanks to one of my clients being away in Thailand I get to have an early night, which goes well with my early morning tomorrow. I have to do some final study for an exam I’m having on Thursday, so if I’m well rested, hopefully my brain will be more retentive. That’s the theory anyway, and I guess I’ll find out next week if it’s right.

Today I’m loving: business growth!

I love chain stores. There, I’ve said it and I don’t even feel dirty. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I’ve bought clothing from somewhere other than Target or Kmart - well, maybe Cotton On, but that’s the same kind of thing, just a little more upmarket.

When I had a high paying job in television, I loved to buy magazines and check out the expensive clothes with a view to buying them. Once I fell so in love with a Lisa Ho outfit, I rang the warehouse in Sydney, and even though I knew the two things weren’t my size, I bought them over the phone and had them sent down, spending more money than I care to remember. I wore the dress once (it was too big), and recently sold it on eBay. I still have the gorgeous silk over dress thingy (I’m sure it has a technical name, but I don’t know what it is) with a fake fur collar, but I’m way more muscular than I used to be, so the size 8 sleeves threaten to explode when I bend my arms - but hey, I am the Incredible Hulk’s wife, right?

Now I’m not bringing in such obscene amounts of cash anymore, I prefer the classic “25% off clothing” sales at my beloved Target (I hate that fake French pronounciation - give me the hard “t” anyday), and Kmart. Their clothes get better all the time, and any shop that discounts my favorite Bonds underwear regularly can’t be bad. This year Target has some of the coolest dresses I’ve ever seen, which remind me of something Audrey Hepburn would’ve worn in “Roman Holiday”. I’m not really a dress kind of girl - they don’t really seem to work in the gym - but I’m almost tempted to turn.

Of course you can still go wrong with bargains, and I’ve bought a few things that have been mistakes, but when the mistake is already heavily reduced, and then on sale at 50% off, it’s not quite the same thing as an ill-fitting, several hundred dollar dress you bought over the phone. Any store that sells me a pair of Dunlop retro Osaka sneakers for $7.00 is number one in my book. And those bags of pineapple lumps … heaven … especially at 15% off!

Today I’m loving: being organised enough to do a big grocery shop this morning, managing to reschedule four appointments and not go totally insane in the process, and Miss M winning “best kick” award at Kenpo.

It seems to be all about diets this week, from headlines on Famous Magazine “Katie’s Diet Hell!” (when you’re hanging out with Posh Spice, is it really surprising?), “Princess Mary’s Amazing New Diet” on Woman’s Day, and “Stuff the Diet” on NW’s cover. Here’s the low down on the articles:

NW - page 29 - “Stuff the Diet”

6 pages of celebs who are refusing to join the dieting “madness”, embracing their fuller figures. Hooray, some famous women who aren’t terrifyingly skeletal - but I’m disappointed diet and exercise are being blamed for horrendously unhealthy physiques, when taking both these things to psychotic limits are the real culprits.

Here’s a little known fact - you can eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and also be healthy. Ditching the diet might sound awesomely liberating, but if you’re pigging out on the wrong foods, you’ll not only look curvaceous, but develop some health problems along the way.

Why does everything have to be taken to an extreme? Eat some damn carbs! Have some chocolate or a glass of wine. Get active by doing something you enjoy. The idea behind this article is great, but once again, Hollywood goes to crazy lengths in the health and fitness stakes. I give this article ☆☆☆ for the theory, but only ☆☆ for the message it’s sending.

Page 83, Overhaul Diet Hell

This article introduces us to the new contestants on “Overhaul”, brought to you by the “Celebrity Overhaul” team, and this time featuring real people. Reading their daily diets is kind of scary, so I won’t detail them here, but if you’re in the supermarket queue, have a quick flick, and then take a long hard look at what’s in your trolley …

New Idea, pg 107, Get Fit With Guy - “Shape up for Summer”

Hooray for Guy Leech, and his sensible eating tips. There are five here, and all of them are sensible, easy to implement, and the antithesis of the first article discussed in this column. Definately read this, and try putting them into practice. The full ☆☆☆☆☆

Woman’s Day - “Princess Mary’s Beach Body Diet”

Hmm, the old beach body diet rears its ugly head - but this one is actually good. I see the word carbs included - and not in the “don’t eat any” sense! It’s a sensible eating plan, with snacks included, and if the proof is in the pudding, so to speak, the Princess is looking pretty good.

The exercise plan is also great, recommending a slow start, and incorporating incidental exercise into your routine. Apparently some gyms hold exercise classes where you can bring your baby - wait, I’ve heard Hunt’s in Fitzroy have a great class - Thursday mornings at 10.15am! I like the advice for women not to expect to bounce back to their pre baby shape straight away, and to make sure you don’t work so hard you exhaust yourself. Great stuff. ☆☆☆☆

Page 72, Overhaul Special

More about “Overhaul”, and happily some more great tips you can easily incorporate into your life. Mostly about exercise, but includes diet tips like being more conscious about what you eat, and not crash dieting (yeah, take that, Hollywood stars!). After being depressed about the first article, I’m impressed with the subsequent ones. I give this one ☆☆☆☆, and I’ll be watching “Overhaul” quite keenly.